there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
