I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
