What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
