I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
sarcasm needs its own font
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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