What did we do last night that was yellow?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
