Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
