I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
