from now on my penis is your penis
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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