I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
