i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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