He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
