i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize