I puked a lego.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
