doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize