If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
