oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
