I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
