Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
