Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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