it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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