we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
cat food counts as protein by the way
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
