hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
