Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
