So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
