wanna go halves on a baby?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Randomize