Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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