we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
