I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
