Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
