I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
