I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
