So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
