I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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