Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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