Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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