i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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