Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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