I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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