sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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