By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
