I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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