**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
