He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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