she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im holly from the hills drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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