Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
