I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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