My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
