Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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