he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
