Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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