***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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