we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize