Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
