Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
