I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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