i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
