Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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