Just cropdusted the office
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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