i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
