call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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