I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
