Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did I show you my penis last night?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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