Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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