It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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